


In This Dreamlike State, With You

by babybluecas



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Angst, Canon Compliant, Episode: s02e21 All Hell Breaks Loose, Episode: s02e21 Coda, F/F, Fluff, Season 2, seasons - anthology
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-03-03
Updated: 2018-03-03
Packaged: 2019-03-26 11:06:20
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,199
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13856520
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/babybluecas/pseuds/babybluecas
Summary: It's a quiet afternoon and her love is here.





	In This Dreamlike State, With You

**Author's Note:**

> This story was originally written for [_Seasons: a Supernatural Fan Fiction Anthology_](http://spnshortstories.tumblr.com/). Huge thanks to its creator for organizing this amazing project.
> 
> Also, a big, big thank you to my wonderful beta [silvershorn](https://silvershorn.tumblr.com/) for helping me make this fic sound the best it could, and to tco for the continuous support <3

The air in the room is orange with the early sunset. Between the checkered curtain and Mia’s striped dress, the rays filter in, bright and prickling; not yet drawing tears but still forcing Lily to turn away, lift her arm to shield her eyes.

“Oh, I know, my beauty’s blinding,” Mia chirps theatrically.

Slipping her feet off the windowsill, she shifts her body to a more graceful pose. Chin held high, photo-op-ready, her fingertips graze her dark skin.

Lily can’t look away this time. Between her fingers, she watches the sunbeams take shelter in the locks of Mia’s hair.

“True,” she says; anything less would be a lie. She tips her head to the pink sky behind her girlfriend’s back. “Look—it’s making the sun hide behind the horizon, embarrassed.”

The pull at the corners of her lips barely lets her reach the end of the sentence. Across the room, small, muffled sounds slip into the air. They exchange gazes, let it out at once: Lily's throaty chuckle, Mia's full-body laughter that nearly throws her off her narrow seat.

“Wow, that was so cheesy,  _ I’m  _ embarrassed—for you.”

Lily shrugs, mustering the most innocent grin. “Don’t know what you’re talking about.”

Rolling her eyes, Mia jumps off the windowsill. The fluffy carpet swallows her bare feet as she moves across the room towards Lily’s bed.

Her playful smile carries the promise of kisses, her outstretched fingers offering the gentlest caress.

With each step, she’s nearer, yet the distance seems all too far.

And not far enough.

Three feet, two feet.

Just inches remain between Lily and the acres of Mia’s skin; naked arms, thighs exposed beneath the striped relic from summer. All smooth and soft.

And untouchable.

“No!” Lily shouts, an ugly pitch. Before Mia’s fingers can brush her cheek, she springs back, as if they were white-hot rods threatening to sear her skin. “Don’t touch me!”

Mia freezes mid-movement, pulls away to allow Lily space. Her eyes grow wide, her easy movements grow unsure as she steps back.

Lily can’t retreat any further, her spine has already hit the wall. She tucks her knees under her chin, putting up a barricade between them. Mia’s still too close. And there’s too little air. Her lungs feel like collapsing.

“Lily?” Mia’s voice is weak. “What’s going on?”

_ I wish I knew _ , Lily wants to say but what leaves her mouth is a repetition of, “You can’t touch me.”

“I won’t,” Mia assures her, lifting her palms. “But you’re scaring me a little.”

“I—” Lily trails off.

There is something, at the back of her mind, she should remember. She  _ must _ remember. It’s the clearest thing, a memory so bright and burning she couldn’t forget if her life depended on it. Yet she has and now it’s gone, hidden just outside her reach. If she tried a little harder, scratched a little deeper—

“If you tou—” Lily swallows the rest of the words, glancing down at her shaking palms—

Her hands, her touch. The barely tangible echo just beneath her skin.

It’s not Mia, is it? Of course not, it couldn’t be.

It’s her.

“If I touch you,” Lily corrects, fighting for each puzzle piece to snap into its place, but it feels like playing underwater—each time she’s almost got it, the cardboard piece dissolves. “Something horrible will happen. I—I can’t—”

“Nothing bad will happen,” Mia promises, soft and warm—the best proxy of an embrace she can offer.

Lily wants nothing more than to give in to the safety of her arms. She craves the closeness like it’s been missing for months, years; a whole eternity without Mia’s body pressed against her.

The one thing she can’t have.

“It will!” Lily snaps, so loud she makes Mia jolt back. But she can’t feel guilty about it, not now. Not when the alternative is her collapse, desperate gasps for air, silence. It’s all so clear now. “I’ll kill you.”

The words slip out of her mouth before she can stop them. In the heavy silence that follows, she awaits Mia’s freak out.

But it doesn’t come.

Mia drops her eyes to the floor. “Not yet.”

There’s a change in her, sudden, complete; the tension leaves her shoulders, the fright on her face gives way to something bitter, broken.

Lily’s heart sinks.

“What did you say?”

Under her wary eye, Mia sits on the other end of the bed.

“Not yet,” she repeats. “It’s only January,” she adds, like it’s supposed to mean something. “There’s still time.”

“Time for what?”

“For us.” A soft smile returns to Mia’s lips, but this time, her eyes hold a note of sadness. Slowly, she lifts her palm, hangs it between them, inviting. “Do you trust me, baby?”

She does. Of course she does. But how can Mia be so sure? She doesn’t know, she can’t know. Or else how could her eyes be still filled with confidence, and love, and awe.

Maybe Mia is right, maybe there is still time. This afternoon, this sunset, they do seem familiar. Lily holds her breath as her fingertips hover above Mia’s. When they touch, Mia’s still breathing, her lips still pink, her eyes glowing. Her heart’s still pumping blood.

Mia tightens her grasp. “See? I didn’t die.”

“No.” Then why can she still see Mia’s body lifeless and cold? How can she remember the funeral? The numbness afterward? The ghost town and claws? The rope? “Because we’re already dead, aren’t we?”

She doesn’t need the confirmation. The last piece has finally clicked into place. Mia only nods, smile dimmed, though not fully gone.

“‘Cause I k—” The word’s stuck in Lily’s throat.

“Shh, it’s okay,” Mia coos, raking fingers through Lily’s hair. “It doesn’t matter anymore.”

It must be this place’s default state of being high on reminiscence pulling her back because she can’t make herself properly pissed at Mia’s calmness. She should be angry, furious, she should be eaten through by the months of piled-up remorse. But all she can muster is a weak “I made your heart stop” before surrendering into Mia’s embrace.

“Not your fault, baby,” Mia assures, lips pressed to her hair. “Just got screwed over by someone up there.”

Lily sighs. The higher-ups have nothing to do with it. She’ll tell her all about it, some other time, how hard exactly they both got screwed over. Not now, though. Not this afternoon.

“I just wish you hadn’t followed this soon,” Mia murmurs, voice losing its lightness.

_ I don’t mind _ , Lily thinks, but dares not say it out loud.  _ Not if Heaven’s like this, with you. _

“Wasn’t my choice, you know?” she quips, instead. “You missed me, admit it.”

Mia doesn’t answer. Not with words. She does it with her fingers sweeping over Lily’s cheekbones, eyes mapping every inch of her face. With her palms cupping Lily’s jaw, thumb tracing the contour of her lips. Mia’s lips following in its place, a kiss soft and chaste and saying more than words ever could.

“One thing, though,” she says, pulling away. “Why this afternoon? Seems quite unremarkable.”

“Obviously,” Lily starts, goofy grin blooming on her face, “it’s when I realized I love you.”


End file.
